Updated: Mar 1, 2022
Energy healing for relationships between you and someone else is beneficial whether it’s a past relationship, a current relationship, a relationship you would view as healthy, or a relationship you know was chaotic or difficult.
Energetic cords are attachments between a person and something else, like another person, an animal, a place, even a feeling. These cords are typically unseen and their impact on you mostly unnoticeable until you become aware of what is happening.
Energetic cords allow you to sync up with whatever it is attached to. For example, you could still be energetically attached to an ex-lover, a previous home, a place you’ve visited, or a traumatic experience and not even realize it. Similarly, you could have energetic cords with loved ones, people or places you admire, and fond memories.
Energetic cords can be beneficial or detrimental to your overall well-being and your experience. Often, but not always, energetic cords were once beneficial, but when they come up in a healing session with me, it means they are beneficial no more and must be released.
Detrimental energetic cords typically exist between you and:
A former lover.
A former friend.
Previous sexual partner(s).
Your (sexual, physical, or emotional) abuser.
Someone you’re currently in a relationship with (does not have to be romantic) where you feel trapped, extremely dissatisfied, or helpless.
When I first learned about energetic cords, I was told they were created during sex. I am here to tell you it is beyond that. If you’ve heard that before, it’s an older philosophy, but shouldn’t be discounted entirely. Energetic cords can be formed from sex, but sex doesn’t automatically form an energetic cord, and energetic cords can be formed with things other than people.
Over the years through my work and in consultation with my spirit guides, it is my estimation that a typical person has an average of seven detrimental cords affecting them. Energetic cords typically do not go away on their own, but fortunately, energy healing is a very effective way to cut and release them.
Signs a Detrimental Energetic Cord Exists between You and a Former Lover or Former Friend
You could still have energetic cords from a previous romantic or intimate relationship, whether the split was amicable or difficult. It should be noted these energetic cords aren’t necessarily there because you or the other person is forcing them to be there. You don’t always get to consciously choose when an energetic cord forms.
This energetic attachment could make it difficult for you to move forward in other relationships or to “get over” the person from your previous relationship. In real life and in fictional stories, you can often see how people interact with their current or future relationships completely based on their past relationships, like holding people accountable or to certain standards because of what someone else did to them in the past.
You might be able to recognize that in yourself, but if you still have an energetic connection to somebody, it’s more than just recognizing that you are carrying memories and beliefs forward from the past: it’s energy that needs to be healed from the previous relationship. Here are some ways to tell if you have an energetic cord still attached to a former lover of former friend:
You can’t get over someone even though you want to.
You often dream of that person.
You can still very much feel the presence of that person in your life even though they aren’t physically present with you.
You can’t stop thinking about that person.
You still feel controlled by that person.
You compare everyone else to that person.
You feel like that person is violating your boundaries.
You’ve created a wall around yourself to not let anyone in.
You hold yourself back from meeting new people.
When you do meet new people, you have a difficult time opening up and/or being yourself.
The Proverbial Brick Wall
You may have created a “brick wall” around you for protection to not let anything in. This boundary you created came into existence for some reason, and undoubtedly for a very good reason. It was your reaction to a really big hurt in the past and really not wanting to let anything else or others in that could hurt you again.
Sometimes I will see this brick wall show up in my clients’ sessions because it needs to be “let down”. This is because the brick wall has become impenetrable, and yes, it was there for protection, but when your brick wall becomes so strong, it doesn’t let anything in- not even good or desirable things.
Releasing this brick wall- this armor, this protection- does not compromise your protection, but it does create space and opportunity for good stuff, the things you desire, to come to you.
Relationship Healing without an Energetic Cord Present
Energetic cords are not always present in your relationships. An energetic cord is not a prerequisite or always direct result of a relationship. Even without the presence of an energetic cord, relationship healing between you and someone else is still helpful.
Relationship healing at the energetic level can give you so much insight into how you think, feel, and act in your relationships. It can help you understand why you’re triggered by someone, what kinds of things from your past are having a detrimental effect on your present, or things you have come to believe about yourself or others that are simply not true, to name a few.
Healing Your Relationships with Loved Ones
Relationships with your loved ones can include your parents, siblings, extended family, children, life partner, and close friends.
To improve a relationship, especially if you’ve been connected with someone for so long, there’s not necessarily an energetic cord that needs to be cut, but the energetic cord or energetic relationship needs to be cleaned up a bit to restore the health of that relationship.
This doesn’t have to be looked at as a negative thing or saying something is wrong with someone else, it’s just the awareness this connection can be cleaned up to improve your relationships with your loved ones. I have done energy healing for my relationships with all my loved ones- my parents, my sister, my child, and my life partner. These are relationships I would view as healthy and meaningful.
When there is a lot of love between you and someone or a strong connection with people, it doesn’t mean there aren’t muddy moments along the way. Because you love and care for someone or are loved and cared for by someone, these moments often get buried in the past or in your mind, but there could still be energetic implications there that like to pop up over and over again until they are resolved. (Think being mostly content in your relationship, but a minor mishap triggers the memory of something upsetting that happened 20 years ago.)
This is why many couples feel like they have the same argument over and over again. This is also an explanation for why couples who choose to stay in a relationship after an affair or other devastating action and the partner in their mind wants to forgive and move on, but feel apprehensive, worried, or anxious their partner will be unfaithful or repeat the same behavior again. The effects of the experience are deeply rooted in the cells and energy of their being.
They say that the people who hurt you the most are the ones you love. This doesn’t mean that people who love you hurt you intentionally. It means that these people matter to you the most. How they treat you, how they value you, how you feel with them, how they view you matters to you and it matters deeply. Your experiences with your loved ones matter more to you than with strangers or acquaintances.
When you have been severely wronged by a loved one, you might not want to forgive them for what they’ve put you through. Maybe not everything deserves to be forgiven. Maybe it is appropriate to end the relationship. In either case, forgiveness of yourself is important that will lead you to acceptance of the situation and the establishment of boundaries (not a brick wall) to protect you moving forward.
Benefits of Relationship Healing with Loved Ones
Increased joy in your relationship
Strengthened connection in your relationship
Increased understanding of each other
Healthy release of pent-up emotions
Increased trust and loyalty
Creates more giving/receiving balance in your relationship
Increased ability to recognize and respond to your loved one’s needs
Increased confidence of who you are in the relationship
Increased satisfaction in your sex life with your partner
Relationship Healing when Trauma was Involved
Almost anyone can look back at a time in their life where they were really hurt by somebody else. Whether that be kids making fun of you when you were younger to serious abuse.
You might have experiences you wouldn’t define as traumatic, but what I’ve found is you don’t always get to choose what experiences trigger trauma responses within you. Something you thought was minor could have a huge impact on you. Something you thought to be major could absolutely still have an impact on you.
The thing about energy healing is you don’t have to analyze your situations by yourself. In fact, you really don’t even need to talk about your situation at all if you don’t want to. Energy healing follows your energy. It knows where you need support. It knows what needs to be released, shifted, and healed.
Energy Healing versus Talk Therapy for Relationships
Talk therapy can be great for many different things, and I find it most helpful when dealing with temporary situations where a neutral third party can help you sort through your feelings, perceptions, and options.
It’s difficult to find statistics on the rate of divorce among married couples who sought couples counseling outside of counseling websites, but there does seem to be a 25% divorce rate two years after completing couples therapy and 38% after fours years.
Most articles will describe that an untrained therapist or counselor is to blame, but as an energy healer, I think that is a bit unfair and fails to consider the foundation of our existence: energy.
Energy flows where attention goes, as wisely stated by Tony Robbins. One of the premises of talk therapy is to discuss your issues. It’s good to let it out, say what you’re feeling and get it off your chest. But in talk therapy, you’re often encouraged to relive those same issues over and over again. Energetically, this keeps your issues alive and well and significantly slows, or even halts, your healing process.
Another issue with talk therapy is something I discussed in Healing Your Relationship with Yourself: energetic blockages sometimes don’t allow for you to feel or behave in a certain way. Most people don’t want to have a crappy relationship. Most people don’t want to feel angry or resentful in a relationship. And most people don’t want to hurt someone in their relationship. But if there is detrimental energy or blocked energy present, it’s nearly impossible to just change your behavior, how you feel, or your perception of your partner even when you want to.
Then of course there is the fact that the people in a relationship might have personal issues they are bringing to the relationship, and that goes right back to the benefits of healing your relationship with yourself.
The statistics for divorce after receiving marriage counseling don’t seem to be as high as you might think and is still a great option for majority of couples looking to improve their relationship. I am not discouraging anyone from talk therapy or seeking counseling as there are many benefits to it. In my experiences, I have found energetically healing relationships to be extremely beneficial with very quick results.
Ethics in Relationship Healing
There is an ethical line I do not cross as an energy healer, and that’s working on someone else without their permission. I prefer to have permission from both parties for relationship healing, however, even when that is not possible, there are still many things that can be addressed energetically from your side that will be very helpful.
With that being said, permission from another party is never needed to cut and release detrimental energetic cords. Usually I don’t even dig to find out who is on the other side of that energetic connection when cords need to be released because it really doesn’t matter.
I will identify how many cords need to be released and then cut and release them. Often you would have an idea of where those detrimental energetic cords were attached, but it is not necessary to know with who or what these cords are being released for this process to be beneficial to you.
What to Expect after Relationship Healing with Others
The benefits of healing your relationships with others are numerous.
Healing your relationships with former lovers or former friends can give you freedom to move forward and have healthy relationships with others. It can help resolve resentment, anger, jealousy, or feelings of hurt you experienced from that person.
Healing your relationships with your loved ones can help enhance and improve your relationships. It can deepen your affection and understanding of each other. And just like with healing with former lovers and former friends, it can help resolve resentment or anger you harbor towards your loved one.
I have to hammer home this point: relationship healing goes beyond just changing your mind or your opinion or your viewpoint, but recognizing there could very well be energetic barriers creating resistance, conflict, or dissatisfaction for you in your past and current relationships. I have found the best way to bring about change you’re needing or wanting is by working with the energy of your relationships.
Did you find this helpful? Please share your experiences in the comments below.
About the Author: Hi, I'm Serena James! I'm a Soul Empowerment Guide passionate about helping people seeking more joy and prosperity in their lives to find it by working with their energy. I'm the owner of Just Be Energy Healing and author of the book Vibe Higher. Be sure to check out my Resources page to support you on your journey of self-discovery and living in alignment with your soul purpose. Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent any disease or illness. Any action you take as a result of this information is self-prescribed and your right to do so.